Changing Me

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So, a long time ago my wonderful father-in-law gave me a great talk.  Basically, I wanted to know how do I change my hubby.  When you’re dating you don’t see quite as many flaws as you notice once your hitched.  My father-in-law gave me an answer I didn’t want to hear.  He said “If you want change, you have to change first”.  I’m like what?  Seriously, I didn’t need him to tell me that I needed to change.  I was not the one with the annoying issues.  His beloved son was.  Fast forward 7 years….he was right. Sometimes we intend to make things better by pointing out what the other person needs to work on.  However, we can’t change others.  It took me a long time to come to this understsnding.  Since you dont really know me, let me tell you that I’m a bit of a control freak.  So, it’s an issue when I can’t control something or at least change it to my liking.

 

So, this is the truth…in my opinion. We can’t change others, but we can influence them with or without their knowledge.   So, let’s use parents as an example.  When you were a child and your mom said not to touch that candy until dinner; how many kids wouldn’t want that candy even more?  Of course we would.  Now, the consequences may persuade us not to consume that delicious candy and then again, it may not.  Sometimes we learn we don’t like the consequences and sometimes we are just hardheaded.  Either way, we decide to rebel or obey.  Do we honor or dishonor?

Back to my question to my father-in-law….I’ve learned that if my husband displeases me then I can tell him.  I can tell him how it makes me feel, but I can not change him.  So, in essence my father-in-law was right.  I had to change the way I was delivering my message to my husband.   Now, I’m not claiming to have the perfect marriage, but I have learned I must change me.  I try to improve myself daily and if I do that I’m doing good. I’m doing real good.  Life is too short to worry or be upset over the things we can’t control. So, I just work on CHANGING ME!

Time Out!

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Work, work,work….its what we all do.  However, it can became physically and mentally draining. Do you take time outs in the game? One thing I am learning more everyday is to give myself time outs. I don’t just mean a small break, but rather time to clear thoughts, put aside work for fun and enjoy life.  Sometimes I’ve noticed that if I get overwhelmed with things going on in my life, I can go out with a friend for coffee, get a pedicure, go shopping, paint, write, play a game with my son, it does wonders for my attitude and my outlook on the tasks ahead of me.

We have so much going on that we let go of what matters and that is to ENJOY life. So, I challenge you to put down the laptop, iPad, phone, etc.  And go play, have some fun and recharge.  See that when you get back to the work/projects that your outlook will change and your productivity through the roof! Love, peace, and blessings.

Beware: Anger = Stress

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As I’m sitting in my living room watching television last night, this pastor started talking about stress and many times it comes from anger. The approach that this Pastor took was really cool. His name is Gregory Dickow. Everything he said made complete and total sense. Just this week, I experienced what he was talking about.

I believe what I like the most is the fact that he confirmed his message with scriptures from the Word of God. He said (and I’m paraphrasing of course) that there are some things that directly causes anger that we need to remove from our lives. I believe these are going to be the triggers or misconceptions
that can cause us to fall in the trap of anger.

1.) We try to get people to do what we want them to do.
2.) Anger releases tension but we need to release tension in another way.
3.) Some people say they can control anger but it can quickly change or build up.
4.) Anger can be silent but people think it’s always loud.

I don’t know about you but I learned a lot just from these 4 issues. I mean I have completely been awakened. I may have heard this before, but its another thing to really listen to see if it applies to you. Maybe there are things I need to work on to minimize stress in my life. I never thought about the influence that anger could have on stress until this week. It started with my mom telling me how worry leads to anger. What is worry? It’s a negative stress and it’s something we do not need in our life.

I have thought about how to avoid anger in the first place by refocusing. However, having the scriptures to help you through and having some examples of what contributes, truly opened my eyes. If you have time to read these scriptures you will see what I mean. James 1: 19-22, Proverbs 16:32, and Proverbs 22:24-25. I read KJV, but The Message version may help some folk understand clearer.

Peace, love, and blessings!

Wasted Time

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When you are working, do you ever feel like you’re wasting time?  Are you bored or feel you could be doing something better?  Well, I challenge you to write down why you feel that way.  The reason I want you to write it down is to help clarify the problem so you can figure out a solution.

I deal with other people’s problems all the time and it can be quite boggling sometimes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love helping others, but sometimes it can slap wear you out mentally!  I think many times we just get our focus off of what we truly need to accomplish the day then start doing just whatever to fill in the time.

This is where the wasted time comes in.  Instead of feeling productive, we feel like we are getting nothing accomplished.  The funny thing is that we may do some small task to get us closer to our most important tasks (MIT) but still don’t meet our MITs at the end of the day.  Now, if we were working towards dreams then a small step may be better than no step.  However, we are talking things that must get done and many MITs have deadlines.  So, what should we do to get those MITs done?  I only set 3 max a day, but still find myself getting pulled into the information tornado.

An information tornado is something I just came up with by btw.  Its when you have information coming from everywhere and you are roaming around everywhere.  We have email, telephones, televisions, mail, the internet, and other forms of communication that constantly distract us if we allow it. One thing that helps me not to waste my precious time is to plan my MITs the night before. I know before I even head to work what my outcomes will be for the day. I encourage you to stop wasting time and zone into your desired outcomes. Be sure before you leave your job that you accomplish exactly what you wanted to the night before.

Invisible Barriers

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What makes us not live out our dreams?  What places fears in front of our desires?

I believe it has something to do with invisible barriers.

You may have heard the worUntitled-1ds before, but do you ever truly sit down and think it through?  Invisible barriers basically can stop you from great things in your life or it can protect you.  Let’s face the fact that sometimes we actually talk ourselves out of confronting issues in our life because it’s easier to just not deal with it.  I will talk about myself for a moment as an example.  After thinking for a while and soul-searching, I figured out that I create more than I thought.   Let’s start with something as simple as coordinating a chore chart in my lifestyle.  Okay, I know you are thinking this is dumb… but seriously it’s sometimes the little things.

Here is the situation: I am a busy lady and I come home to a disaster (OCD by the way) to clean up.  It get’s frustrating because it seems there is no end.  I created a chore chart a while back and I would implement it then stop.  However, it takes time to create new habits and I just gave up.  I complain because there isn’t enough time in the day, but yet I don’t really try to really get the most out of the time I do spend cleaning because I have no rhyme or reason to it.  I just run around like a chicken with its head cut off.  I don’t really think about it the same as business tasks and projects.

The truth is that I should put just as much thought into cleaning as I do my other duties.  Why?  Because my home is my heart.  I need things to run smooth at home where I have more control than at the office.  Business is so unpredictable and sometimes things come your way that you just have to deal with.  Yes, it does happen at home as well, but we should have more control at our homes.  I see now that although I don’t want to think about cleaning, I have to in order to create the vision I have for my life.  This is a barrier that I have created.  Instead of following the chart and schedule; I just complain that I can’t get it all done.  Or it may not work perfectly everyday and any other excuse I come up with.  So, how do we get rid of those barriers?

The following steps are what you can do to remove barriers.

 The example below will be base on my cleaning!

1) Decide what we want.  Be specific.

I simply want a clean house and don’t want it taking forever to complete.  I don’t want to do everything in one day and I don’t want to do it all by myself. (Can a girl get’s some help around this place? Geesh!)

2) Figure out why we don’t have what we want.

I don’t schedule a certain time for cleaning, therefore it can carry over until all times of the night.  I do it most myself or at least feel that way.  I never fully implemented my chore chart.  I feel it’s useless to try because my day always changes and what if the chart isn’t perfect even after implementing it?

3) Analyze your above answers and give a solution.

I can make a schedule, just need to do it.  I can give my kid responsibilities and husband a few things to help out with as well.  I will hold myself accountable to really giving this chore chart thing a REAL chance.  (at least 2-3 weeks to create a new habit) It’s okay if I get off track a day or two.  It’s alright if it isn’t perfect, I can certainly adjust it if needed.

4)Take the steps needed to get your solution.

I go to my computer (Excel) and create a chore chart meeting all my wants.  I am sure to add hubby and son to the list to give me more time.  (delegate some tasks if you can) Print that bad boy out and BAM, I am creating a lifestyle I want.  It may be just one small step, but that one step can go a long ways in building our moral, confidence, trust, etc.

We tend to just procrastinate, creating many of our own barriers without even realizing it.  Sure sometimes there are obstacles in our way and there are things we simply can’t control.  However, we can decide not to make excuses and not to live in fear.  Another example is a friend that is miserable at her job, but yet she stays.  She talks to me all the time about her unhappiness, but she does nothing.  Why?  It’s because she creates barriers not meaning to.  She makes excuses that she may not be able to find a job as flexible as what she has now.  I think she also is just fearful of change.  Change is hard and very rarely is it simple.  I told her that she has to believe in herself and she said that she does.  Yet, she remains working a job where she is not valued and is unhappy with her pay.

She is scared of the unknown and that is fine to feel a little intimidated by what we don’t know.  It’s called uncertainty.  However, if she would just truly believe in herself and get rid of that fear by believing her job is out there waiting for her then she would be so much happier. She would develop a sense of certainty that she would get a job that she would be happy at.  We give up on our dreams all the time because of our own invisible barriers and many we create.  I say, let’s knock down the walls and build our life the way God desires for us to live it.  Full of joy, prosperity, peace, and rest.