Can I really help you?

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The question most of us want to know, is there someone out there can help us.  Help guide us, give us advise, a new perspective, and the list goes on.  However, the question we should ask is how can we help ourselves. We can read all the books, test all of our questions, buy all the software and systems that promise us results, but if we are not truly sold on the idea and believe we can change then progress will be minimal at best.

I’m sorry to disappoint you, but honesty is the best policy. I can tell you that nothing I say or teach can be done without your self effort. The ball is in your court.  You have to be the one to make a decision.  It is kind of like when you go to church and your preacher has a sermon that speaks volumes to you.  After you leave church, you feel alive and it gets you motivated for the rest of the day.  The next morning you wake up you feel like crap. We have to encourage ourselves. When you’re a baby and you’re learning to crawl it’s great to have mom’s help and encouragement, but at some point you have to stand up and walk alone.

Today’s task is for us to do just that. Listen to the encouragement of others, read those books, test the questions and methods out there, but most of all hold yourself accountable. We must be confident in our abilities with or without the resources that others provide to us. I do my best to share things that have helped me and I pray that these things will help you, but its only helped me because I have a genuine desire to change my life.  I have confidence that I can change my results.

One mistake I see too often is when teachers and coaches think they can shape you into the person they feel is the “best” you.  Another mistake is they think they can make you who you want to be (as if they know who you really want to be). Only you know the real you and only you know who you want to really be. Yes, we that coach can make notes, council you, guide you, push you in a direction if we need to, but it is you that can be in agreement or disagreement.  If you find a mentor, coach, or teacher that can help you develop and grow…that’s great! As long as you are the one making the decisions. You have to lead your life change not others.

Can I change you? I can, if you allow me to. Change can sometimes have a negative connotation to it, but in reality change can be a wonderful thing. It’s important that we consistanty allow room for change in our life.  Maybe we think we’re having no problems whatsoever and life is good.  However, what is life without growth? Think about it for a moment. Now, picking up the mirror….

Can you help you?

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Changing Me

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So, a long time ago my wonderful father-in-law gave me a great talk.  Basically, I wanted to know how do I change my hubby.  When you’re dating you don’t see quite as many flaws as you notice once your hitched.  My father-in-law gave me an answer I didn’t want to hear.  He said “If you want change, you have to change first”.  I’m like what?  Seriously, I didn’t need him to tell me that I needed to change.  I was not the one with the annoying issues.  His beloved son was.  Fast forward 7 years….he was right. Sometimes we intend to make things better by pointing out what the other person needs to work on.  However, we can’t change others.  It took me a long time to come to this understsnding.  Since you dont really know me, let me tell you that I’m a bit of a control freak.  So, it’s an issue when I can’t control something or at least change it to my liking.

 

So, this is the truth…in my opinion. We can’t change others, but we can influence them with or without their knowledge.   So, let’s use parents as an example.  When you were a child and your mom said not to touch that candy until dinner; how many kids wouldn’t want that candy even more?  Of course we would.  Now, the consequences may persuade us not to consume that delicious candy and then again, it may not.  Sometimes we learn we don’t like the consequences and sometimes we are just hardheaded.  Either way, we decide to rebel or obey.  Do we honor or dishonor?

Back to my question to my father-in-law….I’ve learned that if my husband displeases me then I can tell him.  I can tell him how it makes me feel, but I can not change him.  So, in essence my father-in-law was right.  I had to change the way I was delivering my message to my husband.   Now, I’m not claiming to have the perfect marriage, but I have learned I must change me.  I try to improve myself daily and if I do that I’m doing good. I’m doing real good.  Life is too short to worry or be upset over the things we can’t control. So, I just work on CHANGING ME!